orchestral maneuvers in the dark

orchestral maneuvers in the dark

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 20 2007, 05:16 PM

I tried, oh I tried to get home before it was dark.

it's virtually impossible with my hour and a half commute and the nights rapidly closing in.

I was determined that I would move the boat down a bit, to the bottom of the lock. Last weekend, running out of time I hurriedly moored up opposite a weir. There the boat has stayed despite me not enjoying being opposite a weir entrance. It has a good barrier but I just don't like it. especially since my mooring pins don't hold so good no matter where I try to drive them in.

I set about moving the boat as dusk was rapidly falling.

Engine on, dog hot on my heals as I jogged down to the lock to get it turned around.
one of the paddles is out of action so it's slow filler. I trotted back to the boat and started pulling the pins. The wind was blowing quite hard so I chose not to push the boat too far from the edge and try to crawl on tick-over. Bow hauling is tricky as there are quite a few trees in the way.
It was getting quite dark now and as the boat ticked over it also started to lean over and I heard the familiar sound of sandy mud cleaning the weed off the bottom by the swim. The wind is starting to take the front end round and is threatening to point me in the direction of the weir while the back end was stuck fast on the bottom. Bugger 'o bugger 'o.

Reverse... nothing happens. reverse a bit more... nothing happens. reverse with a a bloody good push off the bank with the boat hook and she slowly starts to reverse off the bottom. By now its pretty much lights out from Mr sunshine and the water is looking blacker than the duke of hells waist coat. It's at this time I find the water a little bit intimidating. I've never liked open water in the dark. It gives me the heeby jeebies.

So I put my stereo on quite loud and started to sing along with "smooth" fm. Nothing like a bit of singing to calm my nerves and scare any possible water-borne attackers off.

I pulled up at the first set of bollards and decided to "sod this for a game of solo soldiers" and do the lock first thing in the morning. At which point a bright light came slowly into view. Another boating family were cruising in the dark arriving just in time as the lock was ready.

I've now pulled a muscle in my side and hurt my back opening and closing the heavy lock gates. Why are the locks so hard to use on the River Lee?

there's.... something on the roof

there's.... something on the roof

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 18 2007, 08:39 PM

It's a bit parky out today. I know it's getting cold when, as a motorbiker I decide that 75mph is quite fast enough, compared with the usual 110-130 I like to cruise at. (on private roads)

So I wrapped up warm, thin layers and lot of them for a track day at Brands Hatch motor racing circuit in Kent. It's only 45 miles down the road so it's easy to get to via the motorway. I arrived like a choc-ice. I looked nicely wrapped from the outside but inside I was frozen. And that's the way I've stayed all day. How is it possible to sweat through putting some effort in to riding the bike on the track but be cold at the same time?

I arrived back early at the boat and took Mr B for a walk up to the next lock, I don't often do that walking thing but I thought maybe a brisk walk might warm me up after an equally freezing ride home. No. still fuggin cold. My finger nails hurt from being hot-cold-hot-cold so many times today.

There was no choice, I had to light the fire. I am officially nesh. I've lived in the south for nigh on eight years now and I can't get past September before I'm putting the heating on.
However before lighting the fire I've had to find a new home for the 30 odd reels of Super8mm cine film. What I omitted to think about was moving the projector far enough away from the heat and it took me a good 20 minutes before I noticed a distinct smell of hot cardboard box... tit

I'm all toasty and warm inside now, ( the projector is now sitting in the hallway and I must remember to step over it later) although I felt instantly tired as soon as I got that warm glow heating up my face cheeks. Is that the fact it's been a hard day on track or could it be carbon monoxide poisoning from a fire that's not been lit in months? hmmm, well I don't have a headache and otherwise I feel fine. So I'm going to hazard a guess that I'm just knackered.

Then, there was a noise. On the roof... sounds like an animal. could be a fox, a squirrel, a cat, a mentallist from the local secret asylum/drugs testing laboratory.... For a moment I thought, "shit, I'm not sure I enjoy being on my own so much", thinking what a whimp I was the other night with the annoying overly close moored boat I decided to be a man not a mouse....
Picked up the torch and ran out army style, if you run at them screaming that's usually enough of a shock to stop them in their tracks for a moment giving you the tactical advantage of getting in there first or running away. Exiting my boat to the sound of "DIE you evil spawn of satan"
was clearly enough to make whatever it was on the roof turn invisible with shock (or hide under the dinghy). It's probably still up there scared to come out in case I bludgeon it to death with a dynamo torch... yes, that's right I forgot to take a proper weapon.

All mouth, still no trousers.

Entry solo cruising

solo cruising

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 17 2007, 12:51 PM

I finally decided to move the boat, and as mr grumpy is busy un-grumping himself on holiday with a friend, this left the job to me and a friend who promised she would come and give me a hand. After hearing nothing from my friend and the time already being 10am and armed with the knowledge she was wining and dining and you know whatting the night before I decided it could easily be afternoon before she surfaced, I figured I may as well just head off solo and see how I went once I got to the first lock.

So I set off and arrived at my first lock just as two boats were leaving and another boat was wanting to come down. ha ha, perfect timing, I was going up, so the people waiting to come down ushered me in, I shimmied up the lock ladder with windlass in hand to be told, you may as well wait on your boat. Brilliant! So, Im in, the paddles are wanged open full, ordinarily I would have been a bit worried about this but on the river lee the locks are as calm as a Hindu cow and I ascend the lock in record time with zero bobbing or rocking or rolling. As I motioned to help with the gates they waved me on and wished me on my way. How was that for a good start to the day!

after that the following locks were a bloody doddle and I filled up with water, emptied at the elsan point a little further up and then motored like speedy Gonzales, complete with screeching sounds as I went around some bends, to get back down to Cartagena lock where I was meeting my friend, who came complete with another friend I havent seen in yonks.

All in all, despite the windy conditions, single handing isnt so bad.
the best part of the day for me was successfully lassoing a bollard, 1st go, on the opposite side of a lock to pull the boat across to the water point.
See, the simplest things get me excited these days!

Id also like to say thanks to Max, a nice friendly chap I met up at the junction for the stort when I was trying to turn the boat around from the bank and he came over and helped me out. The current and the wind were going in opposite directions and two people made the job so much easier than one.

Entry of all the gin joints in all the towns...

honey ryder

of all the gin joints in all the towns...

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 15 2007, 11:57 PM

Picture the scene, ive been out foraging all day, hunting and gathering, buying new slippers and getting the sunday snap in.

It took a little longer than planned as I got carried away reading the dangerous book for boys in sainsburys so I arrived back in the dark. I wandered down to my boat on the dark towpath and I squinted at the boat to try and make out what it was I couldn't quite fathom... my boat looked considerably longer than normal.
Now, just for extra graphic detail my boat is currently moored on some bollards, behind me there are several of them and between me and the next boat there is at least 2 unused leaving quite a nice gap for another boat to arrive should someone really want to use a bollard...
in front of my boat is miles of empty space, the bank is perfectly good for the next mile or so for mooring up to, admittedly with pins but what dya expect this is a river not the ritz.

So, back to squinting. When I got down to the boat I realised that the extension on the front was in fact a new neighbour, a very friendly close neighbour, So close in fact that his boat was overlapping mine in order to share a bollard. Any closer and he would have needed a condom as my bedroom is only a few feet away.

not wanting to hear the grind of boat on boat all night I had to move my boat back to a different set of bollards. All the while I was cursing, calling the new neighbour all manner of expletives under my breath. I wanted to let him know I was pissed off, that I consider it quite rude to not only moor close but so close that the boats are touching, especially when theres miles of unused bank side around us, we aren't in London here so there's no need.

So as I stood there muttering, the jolly chap came out and said " hi, how ya doing" and in my head I wanted to say " what the f***ing hell are you playing at you stupid c**t, your shed of a c**king ditch crawler is hitting mine when theres miles after f**king miles of empty river. are you mental or something, go and tie up to some other bollards w**ker"

but instead all I could manage was " yeh"

I'm all mouth and no trousers... oh the shame of it

life doesn't get better than this?

life doesn't get better than this?

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 13 2007, 01:49 PM

A change is as good as a rest, or something like that.
I've been trying to answer all my own questions of how I'd like my life to be, where I want to live, how I want to live, love and be loved. It's quite a hard thing to do, as each time you think you've answered question another two pop up.

It's like my to do list, it never gets shorter, it just changes with the times.

I've been reading Bones blog with interest recently as she's been on her holidays and visiting lots of other boaters, it seems it's been a turbulent time for her too, Im not sure why exactly because she speaks in riddles, Im currently trying to find a translator book on "how to understand for the hard of understanding".

which brings me to my first question, Am I a bit mentally retarded or do I just not connect with regular society in the normal way?
There is a fine line between supreme intelligence and madness and Im not sure which side of the line Im treading half the time.

my eccentricity seems to be welcomed though by my friends and relatives, or should that be tolerated?

anyhoo, my blissful ignorance of all that happens around me makes me a very happy untroubled person generally.

I've had a very splendid time recently generally not doing much but doing something at the same time,
I went cruising in the rain with the dog on the roof,



then I went to a beer festival at earls court, and after several beers from UK, Europe and er, other places I decided I quite like beer.



then I went to nottinghill carnival, and decided I want to learn how to play samba drums, I get goose bumps every time I hear and see these people drumming live.


then It was proms in the park, one of my best friends thought it would be a great idea to dress up a bit, so we beavered away at the sewing machines for an afternoon and et voila, a rather bright outfit and lots of media attention. the original idea to make tutu's turned more into poofy skirts... great for dancing in though.



while we were at the proms thing, we saw tony hadley from spandau ballet, he's put a lot of weight on in the past few years... easy livin'.



and then I went off on a work trip to Italy to ride a motorbike around the Dolomites and visit a clothing factory. Which was nice.




this weekend I think I shall move the boat to pastures green... and possibly nip down to the southampton boat show to dream about what boat im going to live on next. ideally with a mast and sails. ( and bloody great keel too)

Friday, I make that Tutu o'clock

Friday, I make that Tutu o'clock

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 7 2007, 01:39 PM

So it's friday, it's september 7th and I'm still moored up at Cheshunt. Getting a bit bored of the scenery but the neighbours are nice.

As unexpected events unfold we start with this weekend with a trip into London for proms in the park. A friend toted the idea while we were on the train back from the Nottinghill carnival a couple of weeks ago. Then came the suggestion of dressing up in union jack outfits.
Now, I and my friends do have a history of enjoying dressing up. It's not a kinky thing honest.

new year party, uv reactive outfits for a club in Derby




clubbing again, this time in London


a work party


new years party, randy wobbly old ladies ( im the one on the left)


new years party, fallen angels ( im on the right)


work, this is me at my day job


So tu tus are being made currently for the party tomorrow. ( as well as a kipper tie)
27 meters of red white and blue netting each should make for some rather outstanding results and a big swag of union jack material should do the trick

After the party Im off to the north to drop off my dog so I can go on a little trip to Italy on Monday. The plan is to check out some new clothing, a 2008 range of motorcycling apparel, eat ata swanky restaurant and ride a Ducati up some hills somewhere. it should be jolly good fun.

Also, STOP PRESS... the most exciting news of the day, my new (second hand, thank Ebay) Makita finishing sander has arrived. Let the dinghy and kitchen renovation commence. after I get back from Italy of course.

Entry putting flesh on the bones

putting flesh on the bones

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 7 2007, 01:47 PM

As some of you may have been reading Bones blog http://mortimerbones.blogspot.com/
you might have read about Bones having hacked up a dead heron and is currently letting it decompose in a bucket so she can do something with the bones.. yeah, bones, geddit...

anyway, I have my own share of birds as part of my day job and I thought I would share an example of what I was doing this morning. I was basically adding flesh to some bones. Oh and de-veining too.
I have ommitted a "couple" of things to avoid any offence to those squeemish types

Before


After

lee ward and onward

lee ward and onward

Email this entry | Print this entry Aug 28 2007, 02:46 PM

Its been yonks since my last blog entry, shame on me. Ive been so busy enjoying myself and being on holiday I haven't had the time or mainly the inclination to go near the computer, log on and faff about.

but now Im back at work, let the faffing commence.

yes, now where was I? having had the car broken into at Tottenham Marshes we decided to shuffle up the Lee a bit and settled temporarily at Rammey marsh. The first night was wetter than an otters pocket, a saturday night huddled up in front of the dvd player watching another classic film. Late night to bed and I was dead to the world, but not for long as I was shocked into consciousness 2 hours later when someone kicked the boat, right near our bed.
Yann jumped up and flew open the side hatch doors and shouted "Oy" at them... they replied "Oy what?" and at this point Yann realised his head was at perfect kicking height so changed tactic to "excuse me, please don't kick the boat" which prompted the unexpected reply of "Oh sorry mate, have you got an umbrella?"
A group of people, a little drunk leaving the local fishermans club house it turns out, an unusual occurance for the area we were assured.
On morning during our stay we awoke with difficulty sitting up in bed ( its a cross berth) then realised quickly we were on a bit of a tilt. looked out of the window to see all the other boats on the same angle and saw that the water had gone down by nearly a meter over night. I think some absent minded boater might have forgotten to close the paddles on the lock down from us.

So we stayed at Rammey Marsh as long as we could while we awaited the arrival of a young cousin of mine who has visited me for a week during her summer holidays for the past five years. She's 12 now so I've really seen her change over the years, especially the size of her suitcase!
Our living room is the only spare place available for guests to sleep in and its a bit cosy, we did have a small sofa and an old chrome reclining chair from the 60's. the chair had to go to make room for a teenager in the making, so it was bundled into the back of the car where it was to stay all week. However, the large void left by the chair was soon filled by the largest bag of clothes I think Ive ever seen. I do believe I could have fitted my entire wardrobe in the bag and it would still be less full.
I was entertained with conversations about matching shoes with tops and bottoms all week, plus asked some unusual questions such as:
If you could have some art displayed in a gallery but couldn't sell it), would you prefer it to be something you love but everyone else doesn't, or something you don't like but everyone else loves it?

As usual when I take a week off in this country it bloody pisses down for most of it. I like rain, but when you want to go outside and do some cycling and generally do some sight seeing around London, its miserable. especially when you are trying to do some filming, on a cine camera that needs bright light. So there wasn't much filming done. Although I got some great footage of some prairie dogs at the zoo while my cousin held the umbrella.

However, looking on the brightside, the bonus of all the rain was I saw a fantastic looking poncho on a girl at a lock and now I want one because it looked brilliant and would keep you dryer than the Arid desert on the inside, definitely better than my expensive jacket that needs re-waterproofing. Ponchos ROCK.

We moved the boat up to Cheshunt for the moment and on the first dry and less windy day we nipped up to Broxbourne for diesel and water. It's nice on the river Lee, I think I can recommend it quite highly. Although the locks are truly shit when it comes to pushing gates open. They are such an odd design and not equipped with balance beams as such, but a bar at a funny angle. anyway, they're vein poppingly hard work.

I've also wired up a new stereo, a car stereo and a couple of speakers. Now I've got tunes at the touch of a remote control button.... wicked! ( as the hooded youths might say)

Entry tea leaves

tea leaves

Email this entry | Print this entry Jul 27 2007, 10:19 AM

Why is it things always come in 3's?

whay cant they come in 1's?

let me explain myself. Back in April after easter I had my push bike stolen off the roof of our boat. Ok I was pissed off, I was annoyed. I was also kicking myself for forgetting to lock my bike and I kind of got my head around having something stolen because I should know better.
that was strike one and I wish it stopped there

fast forward a couple of months and I come back to work on a monday morning to see a very ominous hole where my NEW pushbike should be chained up in the so called secure carpark where i work. After digging out the cctv footage of the carpark, the security people confirm my bike was stolen at 7.30 on saturday night as 2 hooded youths shimmied under the security roller door as a car came in. they picked my lock and then rode my bike away. they had hoods up and cant be identified. Wankers.
that was strike two

fast forward again, three weeks this time and we are moored up at tottenham, our car parked quite close by in the car park for stonebridge lock and tottenham marshes. Arriving at the car at 6.30am and see the drivers door not looking as it should and realise someone has smashed the rear quarter window and bent the drivers door from the top with a crow bar in a failed attempt to open it. I think they got in from smashing the small window and for all this damage, which will mean a replacement door all they took was a pair of sunglasses and a £10 note from the glove compartment. schools are out and the little twats are obviously bored.
strike three

why is it 99% of the time, its young males of the species that get up to this kind of shit?
I go back to my day dream time and again.... a totally female world, in fact not female, but an androgenous society, with a slight female tendency for caring for each other and a male tendency for being able to repair things.

Now, Im hoping for more rain, like that the kids will prefer to be tucked up inside playing on their playstations rather than robbing stuff from the streets.

Pinky and Perky

Hands up all of you who like to walk around your own home in the buff. Au Naturel?

Yes, me too. My neighbour discovered this fact yesterday, as I was having my breakfast in the kitchen standing out looking over the water I saw a feint silhouette of my neighbour opposite behind their net curtains ( on a boat? net curtains? I ask you...what are they trying to hide? maybe they walk around naked too?)

I'm not exactly the shy retiring type so I figured if they want to look then they can, after all we are all human and all have roughly the same bits here and there.
Thankfully the gunnel line is just the right height to hide a multitude of pearshaped pinkies.

He (the neighbour who I still dont know the name of) still seemed very cheerful this morning when I said good morning to him.

Entry fabri-cadabra

fabri-cadabra

Email this entry | Print this entry Jul 24 2007, 05:53 PM

I love sewing, I mean I really love it. There's something quite kinky about the sensation of fabric running through my fingers as it becomes joined together and takes a new form and function.

I've had some fabrics in a bag by the side of my bed for a few weeks now, they've been calling to me and begging me to put them to use.
So at the weekend when the sun and rain blessed us in equal measures I got my grandmothers sewing machine out, and set to.

I also had a little visit to Dunelm while we are in the region of a decent sized shop and B&Q.
the plan was to fit blinds to the kitchen and get rid of the old manky bachelor curtains, put a new blind up in the bathroom, make a curtain to divide the kitchen and living room and paint the bathroom door and ceiling and put a new towel rail up.

At B&Q I also bought paint to start the overhaul of the kitchen by painting the doors. that will come later. first its fabric time.

So, the kitchen, two blinds, replacing curtains, JOB DONE, and I feel pleased with the look, once the doors are painted the whole place will look better.


The big curtain separating the rooms, JOB DONE. it should help keep smells from the rest of the boat, stop drafts in winter and it makes the place look more homely.


The bathroom has a new coat of paint on the ceiling ( the previous owner was a smoker and no matter how hard i scrubbed it was never going to be white) the door was also painted while and a shiny new towel rail put up as we have a serious lack of towel hanging space. also put a new roman blind up in the bathroom to replace manky old curtain.

the bedroom curtains were finished a while back, im pleased with them , they brighten the place up. NOTE the step is missing at the bottom of the purple curtain, this is where the water pump lives. its been making strange noises recently so the filter was taken out to be checked... replaced and cue a rapid leak dripping from a joint. oh bugger. the step is still off for easy inspection over the next few days to see if the leak recurs after it was stopped.


a few jobs jobbied then, next i need to attack the kitchen cupboards and also remove some awful roses and castle transfers from inside the main doors. I think they might be replaced with a tropical beach scene. James Bond, Dr. No style.

journey across Londinium

journey across Londinium

Email this entry | Print this entry Jul 24 2007, 05:35 PM

It was nearly two weeks ago we finally made our decision to scrap the idea of going down onto the river Wey, with all the threats of flooding we've had recently on the rivers we thought we would head over in the direction of the River Lee.

Friday night, we moored up at Tesco opposite the entrance to the paddington arm. Loaded up with a chuck and some vegetables for a sunday roast and early-ish on saturday we set off into waters previously un-chartered by the Honey Ryder crew.

Taking hour and half shifts on the tiller we navigated our way through the gradually degenerating scenery, which changed from a little bit urban and countryside to a complete city-scape. City life really isn't good for anyones health so there wasn't much chance of us mooring up too close to the centre for the night. Passing through little venice, camden and other famous areas I couldn't help but feel like we were more akin to pond life following a smelly drainage route to somewhere fresher.

The highlight, if you can call it that was passing through the tunnels in London, in the second one I realised I couldn't see or hear the dog so I scrabbled around on the back deck feeling for something furry, finally found him and picked him up so I at least knew he was safe from being accidentally kicked overboard, he gradually got more and more afraid as the tunnel progressed, we emerged the other side with me holding a dribbly shaking dog and a dog-snot mark on my t-shirt where he tried to bury his head for the duration of the tunnel. On the plus side it's reassuring to know he feels safer with me.
"I imagine he was grateful for my overly padded bra that day giving him just enough cleavage to bury his face in"

the low lights were emerging from camdens 3rd lock having enjoyed the drunken company to be rammed by an oncoming po-faced old miser insistent on getting into the lock before we've actually left it. His dog-bum faced other half was equally as unpleasant in the lock operating as they awaited our decent.
We also got stoned, not on the joyful substances found in camden but rather by a couple of fat kids with nothing better to do than run after a narrowboat and lob chunks of builders hardcore at Mr B. on the roof. Thankfully they missed, they hit the boat and a couple ricocheted around the dogs feet, it really shook us up as we didn't expect that to happen. We have now got a large catapult and a bucket of pebbles laying in wait for the next waste of space kids with nothing better to do. I'd happily pop a stoney cap in the ass of anyone who attacks us again.

We moored up on the saturday night by Victoria park, its just a quick trot away from Brick Lane, so we swung past there for some top scran, indian stylie before finishing off our tripette to the River Lee on Sunday.

Sunday came and we were in for some weed hatch foraging as we pushed, shoved and minced our way through the weed soup on the River Lee.
As we stopped off at a boatyard for diesel I observed that we were indeed surrounded on every side by boats occupied by lesbians.
"it felt a bit like an alternative dimension I dreamed about of all female domination, I expected at any moment my other half would emerge at the back deck dressed in a saucy little feminine number."
Sadly the alternative dimension was restricted to just those few square meters of river. As we tootled off up the river, the national average was resumed and my day dreams were once again just idle thoughts to pass the time at the tiller.

We found a decent spot to moor for a while around Tottenham area.


It's the closest weve ever moored to where I work, yet its the hardest place to get to and from due to the london north south Thames divide. I can cycle it in 1hr 45 minutes or I can motorbike it in 1hr 30 minutes. The train would take an hour but I would need my folding bike to make that feasible. Those thieving little scrote bags who took my folding bike 2 weeks ago continue to make my life difficult. Or maybe they are just trying to persuade me to get on a proper bike to ride to work and back helping me get ride of some flab?

positive? negative?.... where there's one there's always the other.

getting a man in....

getting a man in....

Email this entry | Print this entry Jul 11 2007, 10:33 AM

After 6 months of a leaky Alde boiler, having wooden panels off since January to let the area dry out and only having hot water via the engine, we finally got a man in to do the job for us.

It's the first time we've paid anyone to do a job on the boat, but since it needed servicing and we don't know much about boilers and their burners, we decided getting an ex-spert to do the job might just be better than carbon monoxide poisoning.

another jobby jobbed then.

we can tick that one off the list.

why is it though that the list never gets any shorter?
Ive still got a kitchen to renovate, floors to re-cover, more curtains to make and blinds to put up.

all that can wait though.... first we must change location because Ive got itchy feet, or should that be an itchy tiller hand... anyway, I cant wait till this weekend, rain or no rain we are fookin off to the big smoke and beyond.

pain and pleasure... yin and yang

pain and pleasure... yin and yang

Email this entry | Print this entry Jul 9 2007, 05:49 PM

Im a firm believer in karma. Im also a believer in Newtons laws.

those of equal and opposite reactions occurring. For me this applies to everything in life. It isn't always apparent at the time but eventually it all pans out equally.

I had several moments of reflection at the weekend.
The moment started in fact on Friday afternoon as I headed to a friends wedding. I don't like weddings, I don't know why, I just don't. Especially when they come slap bang in the middle of press day on a friday afternoon. After two previous days of extra long hours to make sure I could escape for an afternoon I arrived at the registry to be informed that I was to be the official photographer and video'er. Not much pressure then.

So I performed the task in hand, all the while wondering why I was doing this when I would much prefer to be somewhere else... anywhere else in fact as I dislike weddings so much. I guess I like my friend and our friendship too much to get too bitter about it.

So my mental conflict continued when I arrived back home to a non-communicative man who was pissed off because he hadn't seen me all week due to working late and attending the wedding and arriving home late again.
"I can please only one person at a time it seems"
The next day Mr Communication was in fine form as he decided to re-attach the flue vent to the roof after he removed it needlessly last week. It requires sealing.
It also required a little patience and perseverance. Something Mr Communication has very little of.
It is something I have acquired vast amounts of living with the Man.
So as it all started to go wrong the roof of the boat turned into Beirut high street, as screws were quickly discarded from their protective glass bowl which kept the white sealant cleanly contained. A dark blue roof is no place to get complacent with white sealer. So as I hand him the tools to finish a job I should have done myself, (but then again I would never have had to do it if it was down to me because I wouldn't have removed it in the first place) the tempers started to fray and I was left holding the white spirits and feeling downhearted.
"it's at times like these I wish I was single"

So back to complicate things the wedding party was over two days and we were expected to attend the evening shin dig. I dont like shin digs, everyday should be a party, I don't see why we need an excuse to get drunk and dance when Im quite happy to do that every day, minus the getting drunk part.
Unfortunately Mr Communication decided now was his time to make commune with cheap white wine and then complain bitterly about it. especially since it wasn't french wine and it wasn't completely cold.
As a consequence of previous days successful photographing and videoing I was given the task once again.
I contemplated whether I should be honoured that my friend thought fit to bestow such an important task on me, or was I purely invited for just such job to keep wedding costs down?
Whichever it is, I decided to do my best and give him a great video to remember his wedding by.

Mr Communication by now was well and truly communicated and rendered virtually speachless by south african wine, except for his chastisements in my direction for being a "party pooper" as I wanted to leave at 11pm and go home.

Sunday morning arrived early at 6am, I awoke to the familiar pork like noise coming from a few inches away and I laid thinking of all the things a person can think of at such early hours.

* why am I laying in a bed with a man who smells of cigarettes and alcohol?
* I wonder what my grandad would think to formula 1 had he still been alive to see a Brit doing so well...
* I think I'd like to paint the kitchen a nice creamy yellow, no orange, no blue... and replace all the knobs.
* should I ride my motorbike alone, 4000 miles to Faro and back in a couple of weeks?
* is it wrong to think that the mother of the bride was absolutely gorgeous and extraordinarily sexy for a mid 50's lady?
* is it rude to talk about the brides visible panty line?
* will I be punished for having such wicked thoughts?
* I wonder if my grandparents are up there looking over at me urging me to do something but Im not getting the message?
* Would I be happier if I was on my own again?

the thoughts continued until eventually I had to get up and get some non-alcoholic air and weetabix ( with chocolate bits).

A trip to brighton was the order of the day so I dragged the hungover zombie out of bed and insisted he come along with me and the dog.
We finally found something we agreed on. In an art shop in the Lanes in Brighton we found a limited edition photo, signed by the photographer, or marilyn monroe. her smile is infectious and I can think of nothing more cheering to wake up to or drift off to sleep to. Simply beautiful is the only way I can describe her.
Simply unbelievable is the fact we both agreed that we love the same image.
It's times like these I'm glad I'm in a relationship



SO weekend over.
back to work.
Arriving in our secure underground carpark, i park up my motorbike and I glance over at the bicycle park at my folding bike. The bike that has stood into the gaping hole in my life that my stolen fixed bike made. Usually I take my folding bike and cycle back to the boat from the train station on fridays and come back on mondays with it via the train. This weekend was different as I attended the wedding, at special request on my motorbike.
The space where my bike usually sits was empty and the security chain was missing.
The slow, aching realisation was that my bike had been stolen. CCTV footage from the buildings archives confirmed that two hooded youths scuttled under the automatic roller door as a car came in, they cracked the combination code and had away with my prized Strida.



Im quite upset about it really, but at the same time I feel I could be paying my penance.

harbouring naughty thoughts about the bride, the brides mother and the brides best friend is a very, very bad thing.

I am a wicked person.

I also have two more bikes that Im constructing in the pipeline.
I think I shall call my next one the "wicked thought depository"

mystery solved

mystery solved

Email this entry | Print this entry Jun 21 2007, 04:27 PM

ive just been reading through a cruise report from Lady Muck, and I have discovered what happened to our boat a couple of weeks ago when we came back to our boat to find it had moved up the canal a few meters...
apparently Lady Muck discovered a narrowboat adrift in the canal with a dinghy chained to it...with short ropes and no centreline... there's not many boats fit that description, especially i that location at that time in June...

SO the mystery is solved, somehow our boat came adrift, I have no idea how. whether someone untied us, or the stakes pulled out.

Im so glad it wasnt just left there, thanks to Lady Muck and crew for rescuing our wayward boat.