Defeat, Deelbows and Dediesel

A freshly un-silenced Disco Barbie tells the story of the third and final leg of the 2016 Triangle Race.

Yo suckers, I've got her hat...

As we finally tied up alongside James Jermain's shiny new Catamaran, Echo on 23rd June in Torquay, 11 days after our departure and with an additional 950Nm on the trip meter, there was no jubilation, no elation, no high fives or fist pumps. There was just a nagging feeling of failure and a distinct whiff of diesel.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The departure out of Treguier river was beautiful with sunshine and a very gentle breeze.

The start was serene and the fleet wafted gracefully around the place and eventually over the start line.
The wind was once again on the nose, but this time less of it.

committee boat

The usual 10 or 12 hours of rapid crossing from Treguier to Torquay (it's about 90 nautical miles) would be replaced with a slow upwind battle.
Boogie Nights isn't equipped for light wind sailing particularly. We don't have a fancy light airs code wotsitorother and we don't have a massive genoa (no never met her)
The "ickle" jib, called Mistress Jibima we've got is perfect for bashing away across the Irish sea into 30 knots of snot, but not so perfect for this wind seeking.

Big Doris with Anthony and Yves one and only leg of the 2016 Triangle race. But would make it count as they would go on to win the class 1 race to Torquay. Well sailed team Big Doris. 

Jaldi, a J105  owned and skippered by Mary Sturgess had a slightly disappointing race in terms of results. The race has been won previously by two J105's but this year it was a race for the heavier cruisers.

After an expensive beasting across the Irish sea, a crash gybe run to France, we now faced an upwind, no wind run across the channel back to Torquay.



It was slow, infuriating and soul sapping. I nearly cut my own cable tie. I was ready to give up. Except I float and I'd probably get picked up again as they slowly drifted by.

We had a magnicifent sunset though and this kept spirits up for a while.

Jayne taking a picture of Sue taking a picture

France is behind us but where is Torquay?

60 miles and 24 hours into the crossing we hit a wind hole. We parked up for a little while. I felt a bit daft really holding my arms in the air like I'm commanded to do, when we weren't actually moving.

Jayne looked at Sue.
Sue looked at Jayne.
Jayne looked at the chart again. Then she looked at the ais radar screen.
Then back at the chart plotter. The skippers concurred. There was absolutely nothing to be gained from sitting out in the channel, uncompetitive, at the back of the fleet.

It was with deep sighs and resignation of defeat that the engine was turned on. The time taken and then my plastic, slightly sun damaged nose was pointed directly at Torquay, 30 miles away. Arms aloft. Come on, there's at least drinks to be had in port.

Jayne went for a lay down but couldn't sleep despite looking tired.
So she got up and gave Sue a much needed break after both had had a sleepless night before. At the very moment they swapped places, the engine note dipped dramatically. Then recovered.
Jayne nursed the throttle for the next hour as the calm sea state allowed good straight line progress.

As we neared Torbay, the dolphins jumped and played all around us. I'd sent out a message (the ability to speak dolphin is passed from one figure head to the next thankfully) for them to come and cheer Jayne up. Dolphins always make her smile.



And then the engine finally conked out.

Five miles from Torquay.

Sue jumped on the helm and got us moving under sail again while Jayne started to pull things apart around the engine. Pulling out the box of engine spares and making ready with spare diesel.
Priming the engine has always been difficult.

pineapple juice? No, it's diesel. 

Jayne may have had a helping hand.
Interesting hat you got there Grace...

Sue exclaimed it was perhaps the best bit of sailing in two weeks!
Meanwhile, Jayne had her sleeves rolled up, filters were swapped out, dodgy looking diesel was bled off from the diesel trap and all air voids filled with the use of a jug and a steady hand.
The engine refused to prime though and the lift pump wasn't lifting the fuel into the system as it should.

After exhausting all of her knowledge at the time, Jayne phoned through to race control to see if anyone had a rib or motorboat that could be used for a tow.
A fellow Triangleur was press ganged into helping.
After a scrappy and ill thought out plan of entry which involved a quick lesson for a long keeler on how fin keels work, and some fraught moments that had me ready to sacrifice myself to fend us off a sea wall, we somehow ended up tied up alongside Echo, James Jermain's new catamaran.

That was the end of the Triangle 2016 for Boogie Nights. Jayne sat in the cockpit, head in hands utterly dejected, silently and mentally adding up the financial and emotional cost of the past two weeks and wondering how to explain quitting a race.

But then the news broke for the final results and it couldn't have been better.
Amylou, a Maxi 1100 won the race overall. Having beaten off out-out race boats, the Maxi had raced with all the comforts of home which include scatter cushions, an electric kettle, a cockpit table and cockpit tent as well as hosting several drinks parties at each of the stop overs.

first place: Amylou skippered by Gary and Russell. 

But the good news kept coming. Katisha, the Contessa 32, which is the oldest and lowest IRC rated boat in the fleet for several race editions, won their category on each of the legs, giving them the treble and third in the race overall with an X-34 called eXehibitionist sandwiched in 2nd overall.

This is what the triangle race is all about.

for a full list of the results you can look here: http://results.rtyc.org/triangle/results/tri2016os.html

Despite the battering, despite the cost of the repairs, Boogie Nights will be back for another Triangle Race.

Meanwhile, there's a small matter of a sorting that engine out...

thanks to the two narrators of the story, Disco Barbie and Grace O'Mally.

two ship rivals, the figure head and the mischief maker. 

and the two skippers for taking good care of the boat and themselves in difficult conditions. 

Inna Flapp and Clara Onnatopp, later subbed for Lynn Goodhead. 

an easy way to silence a Barbie?
Her elbows don't bend. 

An open letter to Mattel: Paws for thought.

 

massive feet

 

Dear Mattel, 

You may recall me from our brief correspondence during the summer, when I wrote to your fine company, requesting assistance to address an issue I had with my Beach Barbie. You may also recall she lost her shell themed headware after an encounter with a particularly aggressive French wave during her intrepid duty as figure head on a yacht taking part in an offshore race.

Well, after that brief discussion where you failed to display any sense of humour, ability or desire to assist me with Barbie sized headware. I solved that issue myself, thankfully, and she now sports a rather hefty but entirely practical crown of cable ties.
However, I was thankful for your speedy, though ineffectual response, so I thought I might try again.

Now, I am writing to you this time not to ask for help with headware but to clarify an issue I have with Beach Barbie's leg ends. 

Vomit comet - A sprint north

Yachting Monthly Triangle Race: leg 3 - Treguier to Torquay

Welcome back for the third and final installment of the triangle story.

why did Barbie blush? Because the sea weed.

I’m back, it’s Beach Barbie reporting on behalf of Boogie Nights skippers Jayne and Hazel.

We all had a delightfully merry time in Treguier, France.

Well, I say all, they did, not me. I didn't get so much as a sip.

Those Brittanny folks treated us so well. Except for the French man who came and leant on me not realising I was even there, spinning me round on my cable tie, I was facing port for some time and I felt slightly queasy until Jayne came and set me straight again.

Gimballed Guinness Cake

Yachting Monthly Triangle Race: Leg 2 - Kinsale to Treguier

Jayne has issues with velcro

Hi there, Beach Barbie, figure head of Boogie Nights, reporting in from Treguier.

The two skippers are off enjoying themselves ashore so it falls to me again to bring you the 2nd leg report.

So before I get ahead of myself, the intrepid duo had a lovely little stop over in Kinsale.

On arrival, still salty faced and weary from our long passage they abandoned me with nary a thanks for my safe guidance and both hopped aboard a Sweden 42, where arrival drinks were drunk alongside fellow competitors into the night, the last few boats arrived, the sky started to turn from black to blue again and then they came home to their bunks.  The last dog watch was complete for a few days.

Returning the next morning, squeaky clean and fragrant from Kinsale yacht clubs facilities the two skippers reminded me why it’s good to be a non-sweating plastic doll.

I had suspected for a day or so that they had snagged the rotting carcase of some sort of marine mammal, turns out, you can get quite smelly, quite quickly, on a hot sailing passage. Who knew? Not I. I was quite worried.

During the stop over two jobs needed tackling, the VHF radio signal, or lack of, and the errant sail batten that was coiled up around Jaynes bunk, she slept with it for one night coiled like a spring over her head. 

It wouldn’t take long before it “would have someones eye out” she said, 

it wouldn’t be me of course, mine are painted on.

Hazel used the Electric power winch to propel Jayne toward the top of the big stick to check the aerial connection and whilst there took a good look around.

She could see the pub from there. 

A fellow competitor jumped onboard Boogie Nights with his multimeter, they worked out it was the plug end at the bottom of the mast that needed re-soldering.

Gas soldering iron on the job (the gift that keeps on giving thanks to Jaynes Dad) and Boogie Nights was transmitting Radio 4 levels of posh voice effects once again. Jayne has a fabulously posh radio voice that completely belies her northern potty-mouthed roughness.

Next task was the batten. The long flat fibreglass batten (that helps to give the main sail its beautiful wing shape) that had popped out of its sleeve at the start of leg 1.

As I’m perpetually facing forward, I’ve never actually seen the so called “main sail”

I have seen its shadow on the water though during certain times of the day and I’d say it looks more like a giant sun dial. I can tell the time by its shadow position on the water. I'm like the Crocodile Dundee of figure heads. #beargryllsbarbie

What was needed was a stitch, or three, in the end of the batten pocket. Hazel was very pragmatic about it. But Jayne, easily upset at the thought of having to put holes in her brand new main sail had to face facts that this was the only thing that was going to stop Boogie Nights spearing any closely following yachts with its lethal high powered sail javelin. And of course ideally it should be in the sail where it helps it to hold its shape and makes us go faster.

Yoda reports to me that he felt a shift in the force around the same time Jayne put the first stitch in. We’re a little worried about her. The dark force is strong with that one. Don't let the pink fool you.

 

Jayne has a sudden encounter with velcro

 And so to the leg 2, Kinsale to Treguier race start, I was soooo excited. I was like, totally yay about the fact we have some wind forecast. It meant I wouldn’t have to put up with their constant jabbering behind me. They might have to concentrate for a little while.

Jockeying around for the race start count down Jayne whinged that Hazel was tacking a lot and it was making her tired before they had even started.

For those non sailors reading this, this means Hazel gets to play with the big round thing that makes the boat turn left and right and Jayne has to pull lots of ropes and turn lots of clicky winch handle things. Every time Hazel turns Boogie Nights this way or that, Jayne has to do a lot of rope pulling and tensioning and re-tensioning then coiling to avoid them turning into a birds nest and then she has to do it all over again. Yoda sees all from his aft facing view, strapped to the mast support.

Jayne swore that she’d get Hazel back by swapping roles next time, and Jayne would tack and gybe twice as much as needed.

When I heard my two skippers discussing “really going for it” I wasn’t sure what to expect. 

heading out from Kinsale to race start

 

Mid fleet in the procession out to the starting mark

Juliette, a J105, heading out for the race start

Hazel, bang on the money for the start

Big Doris, A Dehler 39 is miffed that we got the jump on him.

Goodbye beautiful lush green Ireland. Thankyou Niall Power and his son for making it down to Kinsale to see us off. It was very much appreciated.

Free Spirit, a Sweden 42, the source of several welcome drinks in Kinsale. Two wonderfully hospitable Northern Chaps, Rob and Mike.

Hazel is tiny but mighty. This is Yodas view of all proceedings.

Oh. My. Gosh.

They were off the line like a greased racing snake. If there was an energy drink called “well oiled stunt monkey” it would be sponsoring this boat at that time.

I couldn’t see anyone ahead of us at all. And then we were leaning. A lot. And the waves came. Kind of long rolling ones that had gotten all big from being blown all the way across the north Atlantic toward Ireland

I was like, “whoa. I’m getting it right in the face here guys!”

And they were like, whatever.

And I was like, “Hey would you mind, it was fun at first, but c’mon, I can’t breath now. I’m spending more time under the water than over it.”

And they just didn’t care. I could cry if I had tear ducts. 

It did not stop.  For Hours. And Hours.

And then I was like “our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…. “

I honestly thought I was going to lose an arm or something. And my hair, I can’t even imagine what my hair must look like.  

The evil, Barbie bashing pair had agreed on taking one hour turns on helm, while the other snoozed nearby. They hand steered through the first night and into the next day.
Food this time took on a very minimalist approach as I heard the Stowaways emergency gourmet food being served. Jayne managed to balance a pan on the hob long enough to warm up a Coq au van and a Venison Caserole. Hazel once again congratulated Jayne on her ability to warm something up.

Deydreamer, which is another Dehler 36 like Boogie Nights was hot on our tail for a day before eventually passing us. There was very little either Hazel or Jayne could do about it, but it did make them more determined.
Hazel had very cunningly provisioned with pork chops in honey and mustard and a fabulous potato gratin from Kinsale. Once this rocket fuel had been expertly warmed up in the oven by Jayne and both had congratulated each other on ones ability to provision well and the others ability to stand up down below on ridiculous angles of heal and warm something up, I felt the boat start to accelerate. When Jayne asked Hazel if she could put music on, we seemed to go even faster and straighter.

Hazels bowl is always spotlessly clean when she's finished

Whilst Jayne was on a roll down below, she also decided to bake a cake. 

The chocolate and Guiness cake came out well, but has a slight gimballed effect to one side.

During the second evening Jayne was in her element, tweaking and re-tweaking the sails and lines, willing the boat along faster, eeking every last nth degree out of Boogie Nights as ordered by Hazel 

“make us go faster, we HAVE to catch them”

Jayne sat for hour after hour transfixed by the speed readout and GPS position. 
Watching the ais reported boat speeds of those ahead, 5.5kts, we maintained 6.5kts in an attempt to reach them before the finish line some 80 nautical miles away.

Hazel came up for a watch change and suggested Jayne look behind for a moment.

And then the night sky arrived bringing the milky way with it. Phosphorescence glittered out of the bow wave and trailed like little sparkles as Boogie Nights cut through the water.

Out of the darkness to our port side, a strange red object started to appear, sailing up over the horizon was a scarlet crescent, resembling the devils spinnaker bearing down on us. 

The moon rose and lit the way to France as Brittany lights started to appear to the south.

After hauling back most of the difference on the other Dehler, they were in sight of the finish line but it was too late to change any racing results. Another 6^th place for Boogie Nights. 
Considering that Boogie Nights is the only boat in the entire fleet where someone actually lives on board, this is no mean feat to even be vaguely competitive. Boogie  Nights is also the only boat in the fleet with a figure head. I was looking forward to meeting some of my cloned sisters, likewise cable tied to other boats, but it seems I am alone. This makes me sad. It's a dying art this figure head business.

Using my dolphinase skills, I summoned a special guide to show the Boogie Nights team the way in through the rocks.

Davide, or Dave, the Dolphin shows us the way in.

That’s all for now folks, one more leg to go, but before then, it’s time for a drink in the bar for my skippers. While they’re gone, I’m cleaning out the cake pan. 

Do I have something in my teeth?
Someone's got to clean the bowl right?

xxx Beach Barbie signing out

Becalmed Barbie

Yachting Monthly Triangle Race: Leg 1 - Torquay to Kinsale

Hi chaps, its Boogie Nights figure head, Beach Barbie  reporting live from Kinsale

check out my Selfie

My two skippers Jayne and Hazel are busying themselves, Hazel in the bar socialising and Jayne catching up on university marking paperwork, so it falls to me to bring the first leg report.

After a whirlwind of activity prior to race start I was wondering if this boat would ever be ready to race, but we slipped our lines from Torquay at a few minutes after 11am on Sunday 15^th June after one last nervous “proper” toilet stop for my skippers.

I wasn’t nervous at all, because I’m a plastic doll and I’m cable tied to the bow, I’ve little choice over the matter. If anyone decides to find themselves side on to Boogie Nights bow, then they have me to deal with first. And everyone knows that even in a nuclear holocaust, the plastic doll is the only thing left behind. #justsayin

Anyhoo, my invincibility aside, the ladies did their best on the line to get a good start. 

more pics of the start can be seen here, courtesy of Helen Robson , race start pics

Then shortly after the 1200 race start, potty mouthed Jayne spotted, and cursed in rapid succession at the freshly installed new  2^nd batten now sticking out of the main sail (again). To avoid losing yet another sail javelin, the main was quickly partially lowered and the batten taken out before it was lost. Jayne was then cursing for not checking the Velcro, which is suspected to be at fault. The batten is now neatly coiled in the focsle. Hazel doesn’t curse. I like Hazel.

With the main quickly re-hoisted Boogie Nights tramped along at a blistering pace of 3 knots.

Yes, light wind conditions, which is good for my hair, I get a gosh darn battering when it’s windy so I don’t mind the odd bit of calm. The two skippers worked the sails hard and hand steered to maximise any gains to be had. 

Dolphins were a very welcome passage bonus, during light winds they just circled and played around the boat for at least a half hour. Jayne thinks she can talk dolphin and that’s what made them come, but actually it was me, I’m the one who speaks Dolphinase. They mentioned something about a potty mouthed human clicking dolphin swear words. I shan’t repeat what it was. 

check me out, prime dolphin waving spot

Photography by Hazel Arnold

Hazel had spent the last days before the race start, preparing food and freezing it. The first nights culinary delight was Chicken Tagine with couscous. Jayne, acting as sous chef did a marvellous job of warming it up. So she says.

Day passed to night and a 3 on 3 off watch kicked in, Hazel opting for 2100-0000 and Jayne 0000-0300. It was around 0200, during a brilliantly moonlit night when despite all efforts to keep the boat moving it just sat there, doing 0 knots, bobbing and sails flopping around, while a boat ghosted up in the dark from behind and cruised past. The fleet edged away as Boogie Nights floundered around and Jayne cursed (she is such a potty mouthed scamp, I should teach her the art of how to speak without using expletives, I’m a childs doll, I’m highly qualified in this field) having tried everything bar paddling to get the bus moving again. 

Hazel relaxed on helm at race start, Hazel is raising money for Kent Surrey and Sussex air ambulance.
raising money for Kent, Surrey and Sussex air ambulance

As morning arrived so did the first opportunity to fly the red white and blue.

After considerable time and effort setting up, the pretty colours finally flew, with just enough wind to drag the boat along. I like the big colourful sail, it’s the only one I actually get to look at being the mast head and all. I sometimes get to touch it. Jayne isn’t keen on me touching it. Jayne is a spoil sport. 

Jayne chops mushrooms wearing her desert scarf.

The speed picked up, we were gunning along, with a slingshot on the eddies around Lizard point we picked up speed (Jayne, intent on making up for previous nights failings in light airs, squeaked like an old chevvy in a drive in movie when the 10knot mark over ground was cracked -  she was on helm at the time while Hazel caught up on sleep after a monster 6 hour watch) and were reeling the fleet back in. I could see them getting closer and closer, then boom.

We were becalmed again and left drifting for hours. And hours.

Lands End felt like worlds end, it was there, just over there. But seemingly never getting closer or  looking like we might round it. And of course the fleet ahead of us vanished over the horizon.

Then the evening breeze picked up after what I can only assume was a delicious rose veal with port and stilton. The chef and sous chef seemed contented, each congratulating the other for their ability to either cook, or to warm stuff up.

And off we went under white sails. A steady breeze took us round the corner, across the shipping lane and into the Irish sea.

The steady breeze of between 12 and 15knots meant Boogie Nights grooved it’s way into the Irish sea and North Atlantic at a very satisfying 7.8knot average speed.

You may wonder how I know all of these technical details, being a plastic American doll shaped figure head, well, some things are best left to the imagination, but Boogie Nights is equipped with a master Jedi  (aft facing) who is able to relay all of these things to me. I can’t tell you how.

So, anyway, Jayne, being the twitchy, easily distracted wheel shy type actually opted to helm, manually.  Hazel took the opportunity to get some rest after a long spell of helming and Jayne being competitive was determined to win the fastest boat-speed-on-helm mini competition.

With constant tweaking and adjusting we managed to squeeze an 8.6knot maximum boat through the water speed out of a less than perfect point of sail.

Watching the miles tick off rapidly, Kinsale looked like it would be hosting two more in the bar by 8pm.

But then, yes, you guessed it. The wind turned to willow the whisp again. Leaving Boogie Nights and its crew almost hallucinating with tedium. They radioed to Scaramouch to ask if they could do the fandango, Hazel jogged on the spot for a while and Jayne fruitlessly scoured the horizon for signs of anyone out there.

The emerald Isle looking inviting

They crossed the finish mark at 2314 on 17 June after just over 59 hours and 280 nautical miles at sea, making them 6/7 in class 2.

Boogie Nights track from Torquay to Kinsale

I’m hoping for a faster passage to France in a few days, because listening to those two talking codswallop during the becalming was enough to make me want to slit my cable tie.