Sep 15 2007, 11:57 PM
It took a little longer than planned as I got carried away reading the dangerous book for boys in sainsburys so I arrived back in the dark. I wandered down to my boat on the dark towpath and I squinted at the boat to try and make out what it was I couldn't quite fathom... my boat looked considerably longer than normal.
Now, just for extra graphic detail my boat is currently moored on some bollards, behind me there are several of them and between me and the next boat there is at least 2 unused leaving quite a nice gap for another boat to arrive should someone really want to use a bollard...
in front of my boat is miles of empty space, the bank is perfectly good for the next mile or so for mooring up to, admittedly with pins but what dya expect this is a river not the ritz.
So, back to squinting. When I got down to the boat I realised that the extension on the front was in fact a new neighbour, a very friendly close neighbour, So close in fact that his boat was overlapping mine in order to share a bollard. Any closer and he would have needed a condom as my bedroom is only a few feet away.
not wanting to hear the grind of boat on boat all night I had to move my boat back to a different set of bollards. All the while I was cursing, calling the new neighbour all manner of expletives under my breath. I wanted to let him know I was pissed off, that I consider it quite rude to not only moor close but so close that the boats are touching, especially when theres miles of unused bank side around us, we aren't in London here so there's no need.
So as I stood there muttering, the jolly chap came out and said " hi, how ya doing" and in my head I wanted to say " what the f***ing hell are you playing at you stupid c**t, your shed of a c**king ditch crawler is hitting mine when theres miles after f**king miles of empty river. are you mental or something, go and tie up to some other bollards w**ker"
but instead all I could manage was " yeh"
I'm all mouth and no trousers... oh the shame of it