Tres Gruyère bound!

Hello there, it's Grace O'Mally, reporting once again, this time for the second leg of the Triangle race 2016

Kinsale to Treguier (leg 2)

here, have an anti barf tablet. May cause hallucinations, a skin rash and a dry mouth. 

Downwind sailing to France? Anyone fancy that? It's all very well if your boat is set up for spinnakering like a pro. Boogie Nights is equipped with a spinnaker and a pole and some ropes and stuff. I've had a look at them and they're not all that. In fact you've gotta be pretty brave to use that set up because it all ends up going arseways pretty quickly... 

But you know what I say? I say, aye it'll be grand. Give it a go. What you got to lose other than your mast or your limbs? Get on with ya. 

Jayne has a fairly strict rule it's not used in anything more than 15kts of wind. Everyone agreed that it's a pretty good rule. That is, if by everyone we mean Jayne. Sue wasn't keen at all. 

On the start line we had around 20kts and most boats were going for the big sails hoist. Sue looked on with mild mannered dismay as Jayne put the spinnaker pole in the ready position and got the Spinnaker bag clipped to the rail. For "just in case" she said. 

the faces of two soon-to-be-shagged-out knackered skippers after hand steering nonstop for over two days. 

Resolute had similar ideas to get away from the start line and build some distance on white sails before hoisting their spinnaker

Anyways, we set off on white sails until the wind died down. Then when everyone had fekked off up ahead with their fancy coloured flappy things, Jayne hoisted the red white and blue thing and then they spent the next few hours faffing trying to get it to fly. 

Which it wouldn't. Though it must have done something good because the other boats weren't really getting any further ahead for a long time.

Until Jayne decided to drop it and try again later. Which went more literally than she intended as the halyard slipped off the mast winch accidentally and nearly launched Jayne skywards.
We ended up with a nice colourful sea anchor around the bow and under it. Barbie caught it in her teeth, risked severing her cable tie she did.  

Sue's training and experience in sail retrieval came in very handy as was Jaynes ability to hove-to in a split second. They rapidly exchanged ends of the boat. Sue dashed forward from helm to bow and Jayne jumped on the wheel and sorted out the various sheets before running forward to join Sue to get the sail back on deck. 

The wet spinnaker was dumped through a forward hatch, inspected and repacked quickly by Jayne while she muttered expletives. No damage luckily, only a dented pride. 

The boats ahead had visibly shrunk in size in the short time Boogie Nights was parked for the retrieval.

We white sailed through the night, gybing every couple of hours or so. The basic model of autopilot on Boogie Nights can't cope with downwind sailing very well. So they took turns, hand steering. 2 on, 2 off. Poor buggers. 

It was extremely tiring. Well, it was for them, not for me. I'm only 7 inches tall with my hat on and can't reach the wheel. Has anyone seen my hat?
Despite having the boom brake pulled to maximum tension, we still crash gybed countless times. The brake took the sting out of the gybes, but not the frustration from whoever was helming at the time. How many times could we crash gybe before something would break?

"How many times could either woman cope with the failure to reach the Minstrels or wine gums before crash gybing again?" 

are we nearly there yet?

Another day, another night of sailing without a single AIS signal or boat in sight. It was morale sapping for the two not to have anyone to spar or race with. (other than each other to the ginger biscuits)

Another unsuccessful attempt to fly the spinnaker was made at lunch time as we passed the shipping lanes,  but a much more successful drop, retrieval and repack, we were back to white sails again. At least the red, white and blue was dry now.

The Irish food that Sue had stocked up on was going down a treat. Another casserole with Irish beef and then the pizza. Oh the Pizza.
It was actually more along the lines of Cheese with cheese and a pizza base hidden within it.
When they were making the pizza back at the little shop in Kinsale, Aoife there shouted to her mate Nell,

"hey Nell, can ya put some cheese on that batch of pizzas?" 

"Aye I did." 

"Well, couldya put a bit more on?"  

"Aye I will. "  

"Make sure there's plenty on there."  

"OK I put some cheese on the cheese"  

"just stick a bit more on, just to be sure like. We can't have 'em thinking we scrimped on the cheese."

Artists impression of Irish pizza. It caused a local shortage of cheese.  

Image courtesy of http://dudefoods.com/

Sue and Jayne pondered the risks of becoming cheese-bound as they took turns to eat the entirely cheese based food from their dog bowls. The conversation took a turn for the abstract as Jayne cast a final piece of cheese overboard and pondered the possibility of a dolphin becoming cheese-bound.
Sue suggested that it might be similar to a petrified effect that can only be counteracted by looking at things through a mirror and not directly at it...

I'm going to leave this conversation here.
They had been hand steering for quite some time and that was A LOT of cheese.

No word from Barbie on the matter. I'm surprised, I thought she was a fan of dolphins. And cheese.

After another exhausting night of hand steering and crash gybing, we emerged the other side of darkness to be greeted with the scent of land.
The wind shifted and finally a brief spell of autopilot to give Jayne a welcome rest while Sue was off-watch in her bunk. 

Jayne took the opportunity as the sun rose and the invisible crew was steering, to make some brioche toast for breakfast, followed by a nail manicure and a cucumber face mask pamper time in the cockpit. 

Nobody said that yacht racing absolutely HAS to be without home comforts and little luxuries right?

That's the beauty about racing your house. Inevitably something slightly odd will be left in the cupboard that isn't strictly speaking a necessity for racing. 

evidence of "lady times"

After a morning into early afternoon of sailing fast and furious, the wind gradually started to die as Boogie Nights approached the finish line. The tide was due to turn any time. 

It was like the two women were cheering a football match with odd random outbursts of "c'MON!" as they willed the boat on and the wind not to die and it couldn't have been more perfect. Sue clocked our finish time on the mark, we were on the end of slack water and the tide was just turning.

Then arrived the two French Customs dolphins, named Eeeheeehh eee Eeee ee and Ee Eeeeheeeh eep ee, (roughly translated that's Davide and Davidette) escorting all yachts in through the rocky entrance to the River. They swam alongside, almost touching the boat sometimes they were so close. Jayne stood helming but leaning over the side to get a better view. What she got was a face full of Davidettes blow-hole. Oh yes, and in public too. Nothing to declare. Nothing to see here. Move along. 

Our journey down the river was easy and there was finally a little time to look around and enjoy the scenery.

On arrival both ladies were quickly showered and ushered onto Amylou which was resplendent with its cockpit tent. How many people can fit into the cockpit of a Maxi 1100? Somewhere in the region of 13 people enjoyed the cosy space. Not once, but two nights in a row. It's always a good night when you see the night turn to day again. 

Now this is where it all gets a bit photographic and less wordy...

Gary (the owner of Amylou - on the left) was top host, along with his co-skipper

Russell (co-skipper of Amylou - on the right)
Both chaps not only sailed like gentlemen, but also made sure to call their wives as they picked up a signal via the Scillies on their way to their 4th place in France. 

Sue sits next to James (owner/skipper of Katisha, a Contessa 32 came first in class 3 in leg 1 and 2.)  

evidence of drinking past and drinking future.

evidence of the benefits  of cockpit tables, even when racing. 

team Resolute Dave and Gary, are just taking a little power nap at the back of Amylou.
They're like coiled springs though. 

There was the usual parade through the town, up to the cloisters in the Cathedral. And the ladies got the jet wash and dremmel out. They scrubbed up alright.

You wouldn't believe how much cheese these women can eat. 

Team Arrow, they came prepared for the parade. 

Alan?   Alan?   Alan?   Alan?   Alan?   Al?   Al?   Al?   Steve?   Steve?   Steve?   Steve? If you were part of the triangle fleet that were kept awake by the revellers shouting the above, then you need to see the following video link. If you heard anyone shouting Dave! Gary! Phil! etc, that was most likely Jayne, or Sue, or Phil, or Gary, or Dave, or possibly Russell, maybe someone else...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFhNJ8ozDBk

There's a bit of weed in this river. Some boats were hemp'd in... I said they were hemp'd in...
weed...I'll get my coat.  

Anthony and Yves of Big Doris were one of the nine boats that didn't make it over to Ireland due to the weather, so they came straight to France and rejoined the race from there. Anthony has taken part in every race since 1998 and still can't pose for a photo. 

Some small adjustments to his chartered boat, A J109 called Bonfire 4. Gaffer tape has many uses, it's not just for kidnappings and stopping water leaks on hatches.  

Mister Lucky, an Australian entry in the race and much welcomed by the fleet. 

Sue has lost her parrot and her wooden leg. If you see either, please get in touch.  

the fleet are finally back together in France, minus a couple of casualties who remained elsewhere to make repairs. 

fellow triangleurs discuss techniques for catching Sues parrot. 

Team Katisha (James and Phil on a Contessa 32) practice their gangster poses and acceptance speeches as they aim for the hat trick, hoping to win three out of three in their class.

The river that leads to Treguier is pretty with interesting houses and a real sense of history on the banks.

Sue googles "Dolphin petrification through cheese consumption" as we head out of Treguier for the start of the next leg.

er...
has anyone seen the figure head?

abandoned cable tie? Has anyone seen Barbie?

to be continued...

An open letter to Mattel: Paws for thought.

 

massive feet

 

Dear Mattel, 

You may recall me from our brief correspondence during the summer, when I wrote to your fine company, requesting assistance to address an issue I had with my Beach Barbie. You may also recall she lost her shell themed headware after an encounter with a particularly aggressive French wave during her intrepid duty as figure head on a yacht taking part in an offshore race.

Well, after that brief discussion where you failed to display any sense of humour, ability or desire to assist me with Barbie sized headware. I solved that issue myself, thankfully, and she now sports a rather hefty but entirely practical crown of cable ties.
However, I was thankful for your speedy, though ineffectual response, so I thought I might try again.

Now, I am writing to you this time not to ask for help with headware but to clarify an issue I have with Beach Barbie's leg ends. 

Vomit comet - A sprint north

Yachting Monthly Triangle Race: leg 3 - Treguier to Torquay

Welcome back for the third and final installment of the triangle story.

why did Barbie blush? Because the sea weed.

I’m back, it’s Beach Barbie reporting on behalf of Boogie Nights skippers Jayne and Hazel.

We all had a delightfully merry time in Treguier, France.

Well, I say all, they did, not me. I didn't get so much as a sip.

Those Brittanny folks treated us so well. Except for the French man who came and leant on me not realising I was even there, spinning me round on my cable tie, I was facing port for some time and I felt slightly queasy until Jayne came and set me straight again.

Gimballed Guinness Cake

Yachting Monthly Triangle Race: Leg 2 - Kinsale to Treguier

Jayne has issues with velcro

Hi there, Beach Barbie, figure head of Boogie Nights, reporting in from Treguier.

The two skippers are off enjoying themselves ashore so it falls to me again to bring you the 2nd leg report.

So before I get ahead of myself, the intrepid duo had a lovely little stop over in Kinsale.

On arrival, still salty faced and weary from our long passage they abandoned me with nary a thanks for my safe guidance and both hopped aboard a Sweden 42, where arrival drinks were drunk alongside fellow competitors into the night, the last few boats arrived, the sky started to turn from black to blue again and then they came home to their bunks.  The last dog watch was complete for a few days.

Returning the next morning, squeaky clean and fragrant from Kinsale yacht clubs facilities the two skippers reminded me why it’s good to be a non-sweating plastic doll.

I had suspected for a day or so that they had snagged the rotting carcase of some sort of marine mammal, turns out, you can get quite smelly, quite quickly, on a hot sailing passage. Who knew? Not I. I was quite worried.

During the stop over two jobs needed tackling, the VHF radio signal, or lack of, and the errant sail batten that was coiled up around Jaynes bunk, she slept with it for one night coiled like a spring over her head. 

It wouldn’t take long before it “would have someones eye out” she said, 

it wouldn’t be me of course, mine are painted on.

Hazel used the Electric power winch to propel Jayne toward the top of the big stick to check the aerial connection and whilst there took a good look around.

She could see the pub from there. 

A fellow competitor jumped onboard Boogie Nights with his multimeter, they worked out it was the plug end at the bottom of the mast that needed re-soldering.

Gas soldering iron on the job (the gift that keeps on giving thanks to Jaynes Dad) and Boogie Nights was transmitting Radio 4 levels of posh voice effects once again. Jayne has a fabulously posh radio voice that completely belies her northern potty-mouthed roughness.

Next task was the batten. The long flat fibreglass batten (that helps to give the main sail its beautiful wing shape) that had popped out of its sleeve at the start of leg 1.

As I’m perpetually facing forward, I’ve never actually seen the so called “main sail”

I have seen its shadow on the water though during certain times of the day and I’d say it looks more like a giant sun dial. I can tell the time by its shadow position on the water. I'm like the Crocodile Dundee of figure heads. #beargryllsbarbie

What was needed was a stitch, or three, in the end of the batten pocket. Hazel was very pragmatic about it. But Jayne, easily upset at the thought of having to put holes in her brand new main sail had to face facts that this was the only thing that was going to stop Boogie Nights spearing any closely following yachts with its lethal high powered sail javelin. And of course ideally it should be in the sail where it helps it to hold its shape and makes us go faster.

Yoda reports to me that he felt a shift in the force around the same time Jayne put the first stitch in. We’re a little worried about her. The dark force is strong with that one. Don't let the pink fool you.

 

Jayne has a sudden encounter with velcro

 And so to the leg 2, Kinsale to Treguier race start, I was soooo excited. I was like, totally yay about the fact we have some wind forecast. It meant I wouldn’t have to put up with their constant jabbering behind me. They might have to concentrate for a little while.

Jockeying around for the race start count down Jayne whinged that Hazel was tacking a lot and it was making her tired before they had even started.

For those non sailors reading this, this means Hazel gets to play with the big round thing that makes the boat turn left and right and Jayne has to pull lots of ropes and turn lots of clicky winch handle things. Every time Hazel turns Boogie Nights this way or that, Jayne has to do a lot of rope pulling and tensioning and re-tensioning then coiling to avoid them turning into a birds nest and then she has to do it all over again. Yoda sees all from his aft facing view, strapped to the mast support.

Jayne swore that she’d get Hazel back by swapping roles next time, and Jayne would tack and gybe twice as much as needed.

When I heard my two skippers discussing “really going for it” I wasn’t sure what to expect. 

heading out from Kinsale to race start

 

Mid fleet in the procession out to the starting mark

Juliette, a J105, heading out for the race start

Hazel, bang on the money for the start

Big Doris, A Dehler 39 is miffed that we got the jump on him.

Goodbye beautiful lush green Ireland. Thankyou Niall Power and his son for making it down to Kinsale to see us off. It was very much appreciated.

Free Spirit, a Sweden 42, the source of several welcome drinks in Kinsale. Two wonderfully hospitable Northern Chaps, Rob and Mike.

Hazel is tiny but mighty. This is Yodas view of all proceedings.

Oh. My. Gosh.

They were off the line like a greased racing snake. If there was an energy drink called “well oiled stunt monkey” it would be sponsoring this boat at that time.

I couldn’t see anyone ahead of us at all. And then we were leaning. A lot. And the waves came. Kind of long rolling ones that had gotten all big from being blown all the way across the north Atlantic toward Ireland

I was like, “whoa. I’m getting it right in the face here guys!”

And they were like, whatever.

And I was like, “Hey would you mind, it was fun at first, but c’mon, I can’t breath now. I’m spending more time under the water than over it.”

And they just didn’t care. I could cry if I had tear ducts. 

It did not stop.  For Hours. And Hours.

And then I was like “our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…. “

I honestly thought I was going to lose an arm or something. And my hair, I can’t even imagine what my hair must look like.  

The evil, Barbie bashing pair had agreed on taking one hour turns on helm, while the other snoozed nearby. They hand steered through the first night and into the next day.
Food this time took on a very minimalist approach as I heard the Stowaways emergency gourmet food being served. Jayne managed to balance a pan on the hob long enough to warm up a Coq au van and a Venison Caserole. Hazel once again congratulated Jayne on her ability to warm something up.

Deydreamer, which is another Dehler 36 like Boogie Nights was hot on our tail for a day before eventually passing us. There was very little either Hazel or Jayne could do about it, but it did make them more determined.
Hazel had very cunningly provisioned with pork chops in honey and mustard and a fabulous potato gratin from Kinsale. Once this rocket fuel had been expertly warmed up in the oven by Jayne and both had congratulated each other on ones ability to provision well and the others ability to stand up down below on ridiculous angles of heal and warm something up, I felt the boat start to accelerate. When Jayne asked Hazel if she could put music on, we seemed to go even faster and straighter.

Hazels bowl is always spotlessly clean when she's finished

Whilst Jayne was on a roll down below, she also decided to bake a cake. 

The chocolate and Guiness cake came out well, but has a slight gimballed effect to one side.

During the second evening Jayne was in her element, tweaking and re-tweaking the sails and lines, willing the boat along faster, eeking every last nth degree out of Boogie Nights as ordered by Hazel 

“make us go faster, we HAVE to catch them”

Jayne sat for hour after hour transfixed by the speed readout and GPS position. 
Watching the ais reported boat speeds of those ahead, 5.5kts, we maintained 6.5kts in an attempt to reach them before the finish line some 80 nautical miles away.

Hazel came up for a watch change and suggested Jayne look behind for a moment.

And then the night sky arrived bringing the milky way with it. Phosphorescence glittered out of the bow wave and trailed like little sparkles as Boogie Nights cut through the water.

Out of the darkness to our port side, a strange red object started to appear, sailing up over the horizon was a scarlet crescent, resembling the devils spinnaker bearing down on us. 

The moon rose and lit the way to France as Brittany lights started to appear to the south.

After hauling back most of the difference on the other Dehler, they were in sight of the finish line but it was too late to change any racing results. Another 6^th place for Boogie Nights. 
Considering that Boogie Nights is the only boat in the entire fleet where someone actually lives on board, this is no mean feat to even be vaguely competitive. Boogie  Nights is also the only boat in the fleet with a figure head. I was looking forward to meeting some of my cloned sisters, likewise cable tied to other boats, but it seems I am alone. This makes me sad. It's a dying art this figure head business.

Using my dolphinase skills, I summoned a special guide to show the Boogie Nights team the way in through the rocks.

Davide, or Dave, the Dolphin shows us the way in.

That’s all for now folks, one more leg to go, but before then, it’s time for a drink in the bar for my skippers. While they’re gone, I’m cleaning out the cake pan. 

Do I have something in my teeth?
Someone's got to clean the bowl right?

xxx Beach Barbie signing out